


To be in Love with a Shadow

by jyuanka



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, M/M, mention of sexual activity with no details
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 20:56:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7985929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jyuanka/pseuds/jyuanka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The two of them will ask nothing of each other, no more than what will happen in that specific time, in that specific room. No fear of waddling into the danger of exposed emotions. Only the body will be exposed. No need to connect souls, which he already didn’t believe in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To be in Love with a Shadow

It was just for one night.

The two of them will ask nothing of each other, no more than what will happen in that specific time, in that specific room. No fear of waddling into the danger of exposed emotions. Only the body will be exposed. No need to connect souls, which he already didn’t believe in.

At heart, Mizaistom knew there was more pain than pleasure involved in this. His experience in life told him so. His brain warned him that the young man in front of him cared not about either of their feelings, especially his own. Kurapika had such a good way of shutting himself off and creating emotional distance, even when he asked for something as intimate as sex, so Mizaistom constructed their interactions in respect to the young man’s desire for walls.

For one night, they will be anonymous.

They will pretended to know nothing of the other. They will pretend that here, in this hotel room, is the first time they have ever met, and the last. Their encounter will be written as something that had happened out of time, out of their respective histories. It will not be included in their current timelines. When, if it ever happens, they recount their lovers, they will not mention each other. In that room, they will take each other at face value. They will accept the false sense of novelty, and they will feel wonder at being held by a stranger.

It would be ridiculous to desire anything more, and for that Mizaistom quelled the excessive needs inside him. They had agreed, they had made a deal, and he was not the kind of man to break his promises. One false move, and he will certainly ruin everything. A kiss that is too deep, too meaningful, will cause the flimsy structure they built to crumble. A touch that lingers more than it should will burn them both.

Kurapika, on the other hand, played his role flawlessly. The role of the unknown. The no one. The role of the permanent stranger who trotted turbulent urbanity in constant search for immediate, fleeting fulfillment. Kurapika was in fact so good at it, that for a moment Mizaistom lost him. They were supposed to be already lost, to each other, but Mizaistom cheated; he was too aware of who the person before him was, so when he couldn’t find traces of Kurapika _his colleague, his work partner_ beside appearance, he realized the differences between their levels of commitment. Mizaistom had went along with Kurapika’s wishes for severed threads, for blindness, fully intending to uphold their agreement, but also fully prepared to change course if it seemed Kurapika wanted something else, because Mizaistom was ready, capable, of offering that something, whatever it was.

In the end, he acknowledged that he will be unable to write off their encounter as something incidental, as something that could have happened between any other two people, as a little buzz in the city. In the end, he acknowledged that he was truly incapable of anonymity, not with Kurapika, anyway.        

That, in the end, he couldn’t change Kurapika’s desires, whether he was still at the door, or between his arms, or tangled with him in the sheets. He couldn’t change his substance, not even for one night.

Kurapika left the hotel room the same way he entered, a shadow.


End file.
